Why do I do this to myself? I wind my self up so much that I get extremely nervous and stressed.  I wont be applying until Halloween and I’m feeling this bad already.  Once I allow my mind to forget about the stress it hits me like a ton of bricks again.  It’s like my mind is saying “you thought this was over? Wrong” I don’t know why I allow myself to get so stressed out about things.  I place all my hopes and future plans on this one thing, and now I feel as though I’m on a countdown just waiting for all my hopes to crumble and fall around me.  Soo instead of going to bed, I do THIS to myself.  I feel as though I just can’t let myself be stress-free for a while and if i do its not for long.  Is it my sub conscience telling me something?   I sometimes have to stop myself before I start spiraling into a depressing thought about my future.  I try and calm myself and try to think of the worst case scenario and give myself rational alternatives if my plans don’t work out.  This is fine until the next time I decide to start thinking of the future again.  I don’t care if no one reads this.  I actually find typing this is helping me calm down from my over thinking.